my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
