You just made me feel so damn special
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
