omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
