I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
