you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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