I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
