Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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