Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
