Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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