watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
