We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
