so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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