Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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