I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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