I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
