If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
