Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
