don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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