He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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