Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
