I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
