Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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