i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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