why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
