I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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