i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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