I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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