There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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