i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
