i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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