Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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