I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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