smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're too hungover to prance.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
