we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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