I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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