I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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