Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
