Only a mothe r could love this liver
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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