she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
