If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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