Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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