I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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