Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
