You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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