made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
