I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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