dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
