I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
