Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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