I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
