Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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