Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
