yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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